Today marks the start of my seventh week as an inpatient. There are some signs of improvement: my weight has increased a little bit, I am eating a tiny bit more, I am having more good days than before. But overall I haven’t made a lot of progress. I came in to the unit voluntarily,… Continue reading Another week has passed
After all the confusion and changes of plan about where I would be admitted, it finally got sorted, I arrived and begun to settle in. But I am really struggling with the meal plan, I am barely eating, most of my meals are just Fortisip supplements. My consultant has warned me that if things don’t… Continue reading More Uncertainty
I need to stop losing weight now. My ECG has showed ‘worrying changes’. I am on complete bed rest, not even allowed to walk around the house. I am under strict instructions to drink two supplement milkshakes a day. At the moment I can’t even manage one. But I don’t want to die. I’m so… Continue reading Enough is enough
It’s two months since I wrote this: Four months on the sofa Today I read back over that post to see how things have changed over the last two months. Two months ago my mum had just returned to work, but I was at the start of a downward spiral which I am still unable… Continue reading Six months on the sofa
I am weaker with each day that passes. This is tiredness like I have never known. Overwhelming exhaustion. I can barely move. I just want to close my eyes. Stay in bed. And then there is the pain. I am so sore. Constantly shifting. Cannot get comfortable. Ribs against elbows. Bum against chair. An aching… Continue reading This is today
I am on edge. Each time the phone rings I jump. Is this it? Is this the phone call I’ve been waiting for? The call will come. It could be today, tomorrow, next week… longer? Who knows. I don’t know when it will be. And I don’t know where I will be going. It will… Continue reading Today, tomorrow, next week… longer?
My chest feels heavy. Invisible elastic is tight around my ribs, aching with each breath. I stand up and feel weak. My head sways, my vision blurs. I have no energy. I get up, dressed, go downstairs and collapse onto the sofa, exhausted before the day has begun. I am cold. So cold. I huddle… Continue reading I never want to feel like this again