I haven’t posted in a while as I am finding focusing on recovery enough to cope with at the moment! But I have good news! Things are finally getting better! I have turned a corner, I am finding eating less scary, I am less anxious about gaining weight, I am feeling physically and mentally stronger.… Continue reading It’s been a while…
Today I have been in an eating disorder unit for 10 weeks. I am weighed each week. After 8 weeks at the first unit I had not gained any weight. However since moving here nearly 3 weeks ago and going through the refeeding program, I have consistently gained weight. A substantial amount. And I hate… Continue reading Weight worries
Today marks the start of my seventh week as an inpatient. There are some signs of improvement: my weight has increased a little bit, I am eating a tiny bit more, I am having more good days than before. But overall I haven’t made a lot of progress. I came in to the unit voluntarily,… Continue reading Another week has passed
Everything has finally be confirmed. On Monday morning I will be admitted to an inpatient unit. It is not in the city that I did not want to return to. I don’t know anything about this unit, but I am doing my best to go with a positive attitude. I really hope that this can… Continue reading Finally, a definite decision
I am weaker with each day that passes. This is tiredness like I have never known. Overwhelming exhaustion. I can barely move. I just want to close my eyes. Stay in bed. And then there is the pain. I am so sore. Constantly shifting. Cannot get comfortable. Ribs against elbows. Bum against chair. An aching… Continue reading This is today
I am on edge. Each time the phone rings I jump. Is this it? Is this the phone call I’ve been waiting for? The call will come. It could be today, tomorrow, next week… longer? Who knows. I don’t know when it will be. And I don’t know where I will be going. It will… Continue reading Today, tomorrow, next week… longer?
My chest feels heavy. Invisible elastic is tight around my ribs, aching with each breath. I stand up and feel weak. My head sways, my vision blurs. I have no energy. I get up, dressed, go downstairs and collapse onto the sofa, exhausted before the day has begun. I am cold. So cold. I huddle… Continue reading I never want to feel like this again