This weekend I am at home again for the last time before discharge on Tuesday. I have come to the end of a 7 month hospital stay. How do I feel about coming home for good? Nervous. Scared. I don’t know if I can do it. Life just seems to be a conveyor belt of… Continue reading Anorexia and I fight for survival
This blog is all about asking the big questions. But seriously, why are there so many different types of pasta? I’ve been here before. Standing in a supermarket aisle, panicking. What am I supposed to pick? Why is there so much choice? I just want some pasta. But I am overwhelmed by the choice. Pasta… Continue reading Why are there so many different types of pasta?
I feel very alone at the moment. I am so wrapped up in my own problems I don’t have the energy to think about other people much. I haven’t spoken to my friends from ‘the outside world’ for a long time. I don’t want them to see me. I want to be left alone. And… Continue reading Hospital is a lonely place
I did it again. First it was one. This time it was two. Two biscuits casually slipped into my pocket. Why? Because I feel like I’m eating too much. Because I felt guilty about the cupcake I had for snack earlier. Because I’m gaining weight so fast I can’t deal with it. Because I enjoy… Continue reading And again
I’m pretty sure I can get away with it. I look around. No-one is watching me. Casually I place my hand over the biscuit, slide it up into my palm and quickly thrust it into my pocket. Gone. The quiet chatter in the dining room continues. No-one has noticed this monumental happening in their midst. … Continue reading Old habits die hard
I haven’t posted in a while as I am finding focusing on recovery enough to cope with at the moment! But I have good news! Things are finally getting better! I have turned a corner, I am finding eating less scary, I am less anxious about gaining weight, I am feeling physically and mentally stronger.… Continue reading It’s been a while…
Today I have been in an eating disorder unit for 10 weeks. I am weighed each week. After 8 weeks at the first unit I had not gained any weight. However since moving here nearly 3 weeks ago and going through the refeeding program, I have consistently gained weight. A substantial amount. And I hate… Continue reading Weight worries