Miserable bingey end to the day. I am close to suicidal again. Advertisements
I miss curling up in anorexia’s warm embrace. I miss the comfort of anorexia’s routine. I miss surviving on so few calories. I miss being proud of myself for losing weight. I miss being able to lose weight so easily. I miss weighing myself daily and seeing those numbers fall. Oh anorexia, I miss you. … Continue reading I miss the comfort of anorexia
I am running, watching the numbers, they tick upwards, the calories burning up. I keep running, keep watching, keep burning. Last night I went out for a Valentine’s meal with my new boyfriend. I ate too much. I binged during the day and ate a huge meal in the evening. I can’t cope with it. … Continue reading The gym
My meal tonight was the same as it is most nights – veggie sausage and veg. My family had Saturday night pizza and chips. I was so jealous. I used to love pizza. But I didn’t have any. I hate anorexia. It takes the joy of food away from me. I can’t enjoy pizza anymore. … Continue reading My family ate pizza
This weekend I am at home again for the last time before discharge on Tuesday. I have come to the end of a 7 month hospital stay. How do I feel about coming home for good? Nervous. Scared. I don’t know if I can do it. Life just seems to be a conveyor belt of… Continue reading Anorexia and I fight for survival
This blog is all about asking the big questions. But seriously, why are there so many different types of pasta? I’ve been here before. Standing in a supermarket aisle, panicking. What am I supposed to pick? Why is there so much choice? I just want some pasta. But I am overwhelmed by the choice. Pasta… Continue reading Why are there so many different types of pasta?
I feel very alone at the moment. I am so wrapped up in my own problems I don’t have the energy to think about other people much. I haven’t spoken to my friends from ‘the outside world’ for a long time. I don’t want them to see me. I want to be left alone. And… Continue reading Hospital is a lonely place