Today marks the start of my seventh week as an inpatient. There are some signs of improvement: my weight has increased a little bit, I am eating a tiny bit more, I am having more good days than before. But overall I haven’t made a lot of progress. I came in to the unit voluntarily,… Continue reading Another week has passed
I must return. The city of my illness. The fight of my life. That city is a prison, that city is a cell. Time ticking, life ebbing, rain pounding, in a city I don’t want to go, haunted by a ghost I don’t want to know. Past-me still stalks that city’s streets, Sinking in secrets… Continue reading The city of my illness
“You look much more unwell than last time I saw you. Just by looking at you I can tell you have lost weight, you look weaker. I know you’ve tried hard, and that trying is not wasted. But you mustn’t give up now. You could be waiting weeks for a bed, and your body cannot… Continue reading Admission Advice
My chest feels heavy. Invisible elastic is tight around my ribs, aching with each breath. I stand up and feel weak. My head sways, my vision blurs. I have no energy. I get up, dressed, go downstairs and collapse onto the sofa, exhausted before the day has begun. I am cold. So cold. I huddle… Continue reading I never want to feel like this again
I feel like such a let down. It’s Mothering Sunday (my mum always insists on calling it that, she says Mother’s Day is an American corruption…) and my family are eating a meal together. I know how much it would mean to my mum if I ate with them, but I cannot bring myself to. “Are you sure… Continue reading Mothering Sunday
My favourite thing about lent is the sudden explosion of hot cross buns onto shelves up and down the nation. They are everywhere; in packets at the supermarkets, piled high on bakery shelves, behind glass counters at cafes… Grilled and served warm, with butter melting gently into the soft bread, and accompanied by a cup of tea.… Continue reading One a penny, two a penny, hot cross buns!
Today is Friday 17th February. For the first time this year I ate a different evening meal. Apart from two evenings over Christmas, I have eaten the same meal every single night since mid-December. Not tonight. For the past few weeks, nearly every day I have planned to try and eat something different but never… Continue reading A short walk leads to a huge success