Things aren’t going well. I am still not managing to eat everything on my meal plan. I am not gaining weight. They are looking to send me to another unit where I can be NG fed. Tomorrow I am having a mental capacity assessment as they think I need to be sectioned. I hoped things… Continue reading No improvement
Today is day 6 of my inpatient admission. It’s been a tough week. I feel battered and exhausted. It has been a continuous onslaught of fear foods. Chocolate brownie, treacle sponge, cake, potatoes, pastry… Tonight is rice which I am dreading. I have had panic attacks over the last two meals and now been prescribed… Continue reading First week of admission
I need to stop losing weight now. My ECG has showed ‘worrying changes’. I am on complete bed rest, not even allowed to walk around the house. I am under strict instructions to drink two supplement milkshakes a day. At the moment I can’t even manage one. But I don’t want to die. I’m so… Continue reading Enough is enough
It’s two months since I wrote this: Four months on the sofa Today I read back over that post to see how things have changed over the last two months. Two months ago my mum had just returned to work, but I was at the start of a downward spiral which I am still unable… Continue reading Six months on the sofa
I am on edge. Each time the phone rings I jump. Is this it? Is this the phone call I’ve been waiting for? The call will come. It could be today, tomorrow, next week… longer? Who knows. I don’t know when it will be. And I don’t know where I will be going. It will… Continue reading Today, tomorrow, next week… longer?
“You look much more unwell than last time I saw you. Just by looking at you I can tell you have lost weight, you look weaker. I know you’ve tried hard, and that trying is not wasted. But you mustn’t give up now. You could be waiting weeks for a bed, and your body cannot… Continue reading Admission Advice
My chest feels heavy. Invisible elastic is tight around my ribs, aching with each breath. I stand up and feel weak. My head sways, my vision blurs. I have no energy. I get up, dressed, go downstairs and collapse onto the sofa, exhausted before the day has begun. I am cold. So cold. I huddle… Continue reading I never want to feel like this again