Living with anorexia

Enough is enough

I need to stop losing weight now.

My ECG has showed ‘worrying changes’.  I am on complete bed rest, not even allowed to walk around the house.  I am under strict instructions to drink two supplement milkshakes a day.  At the moment I can’t even manage one.  But I don’t want to die.  I’m so scared.  I am so tired and weak.

There is still seven days until the inpatient bed is available for me.

I will keep battling.

I want to keep losing weight but I know I need to stop.  I need to accept that this will be my lowest weight.  I can’t go any lower.  I have never consistently gained weight in all the time that I’ve been ill.  The thought of it is terrifying.  But I have no choice.

It’s life or death.

One milkshake for today done!

I will start the next one this afternoon.

I will not die.

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8 thoughts on “Enough is enough

  1. Please, please remember your strength. My heart breaks as I read this. I don’t want another life to be lost to this horrible disorder. You are worth so much more. If you have a hard time believing that, hold on to the fact a stranger in the states (who knows you only by your blog) believes you are a life worth saving, and just maybe, she is right. xo

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Thinking of you – seven days will hopefully come round quickly. I’m rooting for you, and for your health. Life is for living, not tolerating this awful illness, which I only appreciate after breaking free. Anorexia makes me so angry that it’s doing this to you xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Two a day. If you know it’s a struggle, please don’t try to go it alone in drinking them. Make sure that someone else makes sure that it really is two a day. And do keep battling!

    Liked by 1 person

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