After all the confusion and changes of plan about where I would be admitted, it finally got sorted, I arrived and begun to settle in. But I am really struggling with the meal plan, I am barely eating, most of my meals are just Fortisip supplements. My consultant has warned me that if things don’t… Continue reading More Uncertainty
Today is day 6 of my inpatient admission. It’s been a tough week. I feel battered and exhausted. It has been a continuous onslaught of fear foods. Chocolate brownie, treacle sponge, cake, potatoes, pastry… Tonight is rice which I am dreading. I have had panic attacks over the last two meals and now been prescribed… Continue reading First week of admission
I had lost weight at my weigh-in yesterday. I had a phone call after my appointment to say that I could not wait for the bed next Tuesday. I am going to be admitted as an emergency. From nowhere, a bed in a different unit has become available from tomorrow and it looks like that… Continue reading Change of plan
I am weaker with each day that passes. This is tiredness like I have never known. Overwhelming exhaustion. I can barely move. I just want to close my eyes. Stay in bed. And then there is the pain. I am so sore. Constantly shifting. Cannot get comfortable. Ribs against elbows. Bum against chair. An aching… Continue reading This is today
I am on edge. Each time the phone rings I jump. Is this it? Is this the phone call I’ve been waiting for? The call will come. It could be today, tomorrow, next week… longer? Who knows. I don’t know when it will be. And I don’t know where I will be going. It will… Continue reading Today, tomorrow, next week… longer?
My chest feels heavy. Invisible elastic is tight around my ribs, aching with each breath. I stand up and feel weak. My head sways, my vision blurs. I have no energy. I get up, dressed, go downstairs and collapse onto the sofa, exhausted before the day has begun. I am cold. So cold. I huddle… Continue reading I never want to feel like this again
It’s a precise routine. I carefully pour my milk into the little measuring jug, ready for breakfast. I add a few drops to my tea and return the bottle to the fridge. After a few failed attempts at trying semi-skimmed milk, I am back to the safe skimmed variety. But this morning something is wrong.… Continue reading Suspicious Minds