Things are finally looking up. I am slowly leaving anorexia behind. For the last few days I have not wanted anorexia back, I have not longed for it the way I have in the past. I am eating well. I am back in the pool, after two and a half years away, it is good… Continue reading Things are going well
After years of very strict restricting, I am slowly re-introducing myself to food. Yesterday I went out with my boyfriend and ate a burger and fries, followed by a chocolate brownie sundae! I am continuing to amaze myself at what I can do. I feel like I am being re-introduced to the concept of food. … Continue reading Anorexia and being re-introduced to food
This post contains description of lying about weight – if this may trigger you please click away! So, this week was week two of me being in charge of monitoring my weight. I told my therapist I weighed a kilo more than I actually do. I hated telling her that. Not because I hated lying… Continue reading Weighty Lies
I miss curling up in anorexia’s warm embrace. I miss the comfort of anorexia’s routine. I miss surviving on so few calories. I miss being proud of myself for losing weight. I miss being able to lose weight so easily. I miss weighing myself daily and seeing those numbers fall. Oh anorexia, I miss you. … Continue reading I miss the comfort of anorexia
My meal tonight was the same as it is most nights – veggie sausage and veg. My family had Saturday night pizza and chips. I was so jealous. I used to love pizza. But I didn’t have any. I hate anorexia. It takes the joy of food away from me. I can’t enjoy pizza anymore. … Continue reading My family ate pizza
This weekend I am at home again for the last time before discharge on Tuesday. I have come to the end of a 7 month hospital stay. How do I feel about coming home for good? Nervous. Scared. I don’t know if I can do it. Life just seems to be a conveyor belt of… Continue reading Anorexia and I fight for survival
The idea that I might never recover from my mental illnesses is the hardest thing for me to get my head around. What if this is it? What if this is just how my brain is? Broken. What if I will never be well enough to have a job, a family, a house…. all the… Continue reading Keeping hope alive in the depths of mental illness
Monday mornings (aka weigh day) are always challenging in an inpatient ED unit. Today has been particularly stressful. It was difficult to cope with my weight this morning, and then I was expected to go into the dining room and eat breakfast. I feel like I took a step back as I didn’t finish it,… Continue reading I need to learn Russian
(Following on from First weekend leave:preview) So, how did it go? I’ll be honest, I didn’t manage everything on my meal plan. I skipped bits here and there. I hid a few biscuits. I didn’t eat dessert. I had smaller snacks. I did more exercise than I should have. And yet, I have gained a… Continue reading First weekend leave: review
Tomorrow I am going home for the weekend. My first weekend at home since I was admitted to hospital at the beginning of May. How do I feel about it? I am excited. I am nervous. I am not sure how I am going to manage my meal plan. Already I am thinking about how… Continue reading First weekend leave: preview
Chicken Risotto 