This post contains description of lying about weight – if this may trigger you please click away! So, this week was week two of me being in charge of monitoring my weight. I told my therapist I weighed a kilo more than I actually do. I hated telling her that. Not because I hated lying… Continue reading Weighty Lies
So, this week’s update… I am being discharged from the eating disorder service. Considering how much I am struggling to eat, my meal plan long abandoned and am losing weigh once again, this seems as strange step. But my psychiatrist thinks I have borderline personality disorder and is referring me to the team that deals… Continue reading Mental health services are bizarre
Tomorrow I am going home for the weekend. My first weekend at home since I was admitted to hospital at the beginning of May. How do I feel about it? I am excited. I am nervous. I am not sure how I am going to manage my meal plan. Already I am thinking about how… Continue reading First weekend leave: preview
I did it again. First it was one. This time it was two. Two biscuits casually slipped into my pocket. Why? Because I feel like I’m eating too much. Because I felt guilty about the cupcake I had for snack earlier. Because I’m gaining weight so fast I can’t deal with it. Because I enjoy… Continue reading And again
I’m pretty sure I can get away with it. I look around. No-one is watching me. Casually I place my hand over the biscuit, slide it up into my palm and quickly thrust it into my pocket. Gone. The quiet chatter in the dining room continues. No-one has noticed this monumental happening in their midst. … Continue reading Old habits die hard
There are only two places I can be totally honest: my journal and this blog. So here is the honest version of what happened today. Today I was supposed to eat snack out on my own. I was out all afternoon and I should have bought myself a snack. But I didn’t. I just walked… Continue reading I lied today
After weeks of trying to find me a bed in a unit that can NG feed me, one has finally been found. On Wednesday I will be admitted for the second time. The unit is along way from home, I was hoping for somewhere nearer and I will be sad to leave this unit. I… Continue reading Another new beginning
Today has been a better day. After feeling pretty lifeless all week, this morning I felt a bit stronger. I’ve been almost house-bound all week, so I decided to use my new-found energy to spend the afternoon out with my sister visiting Hobbycraft. Last weekend my mum took me there but I felt so weak… Continue reading Stickers!
I am weaker with each day that passes. This is tiredness like I have never known. Overwhelming exhaustion. I can barely move. I just want to close my eyes. Stay in bed. And then there is the pain. I am so sore. Constantly shifting. Cannot get comfortable. Ribs against elbows. Bum against chair. An aching… Continue reading This is today
I am on edge. Each time the phone rings I jump. Is this it? Is this the phone call I’ve been waiting for? The call will come. It could be today, tomorrow, next week… longer? Who knows. I don’t know when it will be. And I don’t know where I will be going. It will… Continue reading Today, tomorrow, next week… longer?
Chicken Risotto 