Living with anorexia


20170422_173508Today has been a better day.  After feeling pretty lifeless all week, this morning I felt a bit stronger.

I’ve been almost house-bound all week, so I decided to use my new-found energy to spend the afternoon out with my sister visiting Hobbycraft.  Last weekend my mum took me there but I felt so weak and tired we came straight home.  Today we spent almost an hour browsing the aisles.  I have ordered an expensive notebook to use as a recovery journal and so I treated myself to a selection of stickers to decorate it with.

It sounds positive, but that is not the whole truth.  Eating hasn’t been good today.  I skipped lunch – I nibbled one corner of a slice of toast, then hid it in my cupboard.  And then I poured away the nutritional milkshake I claimed to have drunk. It seems like it might be quite a wait for an inpatient bed.  I need to stay well enough not to end up in A&E, and I know the only way to do that is to up my intake.  Only yesterday my therapist was telling me this was a life or death situation, and yet still I cannot bring myself to eat more.  My weight has stayed the same, but despite how ill I am, I cannot help but keep trying to lose more.  It really is insanity.



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