I want to write today about how ashamed I feel. Bingeing has always been a part of my eating disorder but I have never written about it before. When I first started restricting I binged maybe once a week, or once every fortnight. Then as I got worse, the restricting increased and the bingeing stopped.… Continue reading The shame of bingeing
This blog is all about asking the big questions. But seriously, why are there so many different types of pasta? I’ve been here before. Standing in a supermarket aisle, panicking. What am I supposed to pick? Why is there so much choice? I just want some pasta. But I am overwhelmed by the choice. Pasta… Continue reading Why are there so many different types of pasta?
I feel very alone at the moment. I am so wrapped up in my own problems I don’t have the energy to think about other people much. I haven’t spoken to my friends from ‘the outside world’ for a long time. I don’t want them to see me. I want to be left alone. And… Continue reading Hospital is a lonely place
(Following on from First weekend leave:preview) So, how did it go? I’ll be honest, I didn’t manage everything on my meal plan. I skipped bits here and there. I hid a few biscuits. I didn’t eat dessert. I had smaller snacks. I did more exercise than I should have. And yet, I have gained a… Continue reading First weekend leave: review
This last week has been full of achievements! I have eaten snack out with a member of staff I have been allowed to have group snack out with the other patients and staff I have eaten a whole plate of rice, a food that a few weeks ago I could not touch at all without… Continue reading Progress
Today marks the start of my seventh week as an inpatient. There are some signs of improvement: my weight has increased a little bit, I am eating a tiny bit more, I am having more good days than before. But overall I haven’t made a lot of progress. I came in to the unit voluntarily,… Continue reading Another week has passed
Things aren’t going well. I am still not managing to eat everything on my meal plan. I am not gaining weight. They are looking to send me to another unit where I can be NG fed. Tomorrow I am having a mental capacity assessment as they think I need to be sectioned. I hoped things… Continue reading No improvement