I haven’t posted for over two years. And what a few years it has been. I have spent 15 months sectioned in hospital, fed by NG tube, live through severe mania, suicidal depression and ECT. I am feeling better than I have in years. My weight is healthy. I’m slowly starting to re-build my life.… Continue reading Two and a bit years later
A year ago I was sectioned in hospital with a tube up my nose. I could no longer look after myself. I was terrified I was about to die. I could not eat. I could not drink. I felt so scared and alone. I was in hospital hundreds of miles from home. How much things… Continue reading I’ve come a long way in the past year
Things are finally looking up. I am slowly leaving anorexia behind. For the last few days I have not wanted anorexia back, I have not longed for it the way I have in the past. I am eating well. I am back in the pool, after two and a half years away, it is good… Continue reading Things are going well
I broke up with my boyfriend. We hadn’t been seeing each other very long but it was going along nicely. But today I ended it with him. It’s too much stress. I am not well enough. I can dress up and play the part every Saturday but it’s not the true me. The true me… Continue reading Anorexia claimed a bit more of my life today
I can’t believe I’ve made it to twelve days without binging. And all that time I have been restricting too. I feel like anorexia is taking hold of me again, and the sad thing is I’m making no effort to stop it. I want it back. I hated the shame of binging every day. I… Continue reading Day 12
Sometimes I really miss ‘being anorexic’. I was talking to my mum this afternoon, who attends an eating disorder carers support group. “But,” she said, “I don’t really feel I need to go anymore, your eating is not really a problem now.” And in that moment I felt broken. I wanted more than anything to… Continue reading I want anorexia back
I am back, yet again, in my psychiatrist’s office. It’s a small room, cluttered with comfy chairs. My psychiatrist sits with his back to the window and I face it. The sun would be saturating the room with light, but for the thin curtains pulled across the window, which instead gives the room a disconcerting… Continue reading A new diagnosis
After years of very strict restricting, I am slowly re-introducing myself to food. Yesterday I went out with my boyfriend and ate a burger and fries, followed by a chocolate brownie sundae! I am continuing to amaze myself at what I can do. I feel like I am being re-introduced to the concept of food. … Continue reading Anorexia and being re-introduced to food
For the second day in a row I have eaten no more than I planned. I feel more in control now, the binging urges have calmed. I have followed my meal plan, I feel good. This evening I am going out for a burger with my boyfriend. I am a bit stressed about it, as… Continue reading Still going well
In 3 weeks time I am going on holiday. There is going to be a pool. I love swimming but am already dreading the thought of wearing a swimming costume. Everyone will be able to see how fat I have become through my weeks of binging. I am determined to stop now so that I… Continue reading New week, new start
