I held it together until my support worker left. And then it was just me and my mum. I wanted to cry. No tears would come. Instead I shouted. I could hear the frustration, the anger, the pain in my voice. “Everyone is having a go at me. You’re all saying I’m not trying. You… Continue reading Comforting me like a child
Today has been a better day. After feeling pretty lifeless all week, this morning I felt a bit stronger. I’ve been almost house-bound all week, so I decided to use my new-found energy to spend the afternoon out with my sister visiting Hobbycraft. Last weekend my mum took me there but I felt so weak… Continue reading Stickers!
I am on edge. Each time the phone rings I jump. Is this it? Is this the phone call I’ve been waiting for? The call will come. It could be today, tomorrow, next week… longer? Who knows. I don’t know when it will be. And I don’t know where I will be going. It will… Continue reading Today, tomorrow, next week… longer?
My chest feels heavy. Invisible elastic is tight around my ribs, aching with each breath. I stand up and feel weak. My head sways, my vision blurs. I have no energy. I get up, dressed, go downstairs and collapse onto the sofa, exhausted before the day has begun. I am cold. So cold. I huddle… Continue reading I never want to feel like this again
I pace endlessly around the house. From my bedroom, along the landing, down the stairs, through the hallway, round the kitchen, into the living room, back to the kitchen, the hallway, the stairs… up, down, back and forth… I am supposed to be on complete bed rest. My BMI is dangerously low and my weight… Continue reading Waiting
I’m going to whisper it. Listen closely. I’m sorry. “I did eat the hot cross bun. But I skipped lunch to make up for it.” I had the audacity to make it seem like a success. Maybe I wanted to believe it was a success. But it wasn’t. I’m sorry. I took my lunch to my… Continue reading Three Hot Cross Buns & Two Lots of Lies
This week my mum returned to work after 9 weeks off caring for me. After weeks of having her around all the time, it is strange to be alone again. In many ways I have returned to my pre-Christmas life, day after day, alone, sitting on my parent’s sofa. For the first time I have… Continue reading Four months on the sofa