Today I have been in an eating disorder unit for 10 weeks. I am weighed each week. After 8 weeks at the first unit I had not gained any weight. However since moving here nearly 3 weeks ago and going through the refeeding program, I have consistently gained weight. A substantial amount. And I hate it. It’s so hard to deal with. I am heavier now than I have been in months. I know I need to gain weight to get better and go home but I feel like all my hard work is being undone. When I got on the scales this morning and saw how much my weight had increased I felt terrible. Like a failure. I know my thinking is twisted, but I still do not want to gain weight. I am slowly realising that here I have no choice. There is no lying or hiding food here. I have to accept that whatever I do, and despite what I want, I am stuck here and I will gain weight.