Self-care seems to be a common theme in recovery from all kinds of mental illness and was something that was very much encouraged when I was at the day unit. I tried to continue treating myself well after I left, but as my recovery faltered, so did my ability to enjoy myself. I can’t say that I have returned to recovery yet. I am still very much in the depths of anorexia, fighting against everyone who is trying to help me. I haven’t been following my meal plan, and I am still losing weight.
But, after starting anti-psychotic medication last week, I’ve had five nights of good sleep. Despite the weight loss, I feel the best I’ve felt in a long time, mentally and physically.
I’ve decided to capitalise on this positivity, and treat myself, hoping to inspire a little bit of motivation for recovery.
- Books – I don’t have a huge amount of concentration, but I’m enjoying a chapter here and there of an Agatha Christie. I’ve wanted to read some Agatha Christie for ages, so I’m making the most of having a lot of free time to get started! I’ve bought myself a few other books so that I can keep myself interested despite low concentration. I bought Ruby Wax’s ‘Frazzled’ and ‘Mad Girl’ by Bryony Gordon. I haven’t made much of a start on either of them yet, but I will do!
- Drawing – I’m no artist. But yesterday I treated myself to a sketchbook and a tin of pencils. I’ve had a relaxing morning sketching the fireplace in our front room. It feels good to have something to ‘do’ rather than just watch TV.
- and… the highlight of my week…a cinema trip – My mum and I are going to have an afternoon out and drive over to the cinema in the next town to see A Streetcat Named Bob. I read the book whilst I was a daypatient last year, but never managed to see the film. It’s a story that resonated with me, an animal helping someone to overcome a tough time in their life. I’m looking forward to a few hours out of the house, away from arguments about food.
Things are tough at the moment, but I am trying to stay positive. I am sometimes guilty of having very ‘black and white’ thinking. My life is either perfect or a disaster. I think sometimes that prevents me from seeing the good things in bad times. I am slowly learning to accept that my life is not going to turn from terrible to wonderful overnight. I can make little steps towards making things better, even if as a whole my life is not how I would like it to be right now.