Living with anorexia

A purposeful stride

Finally, an outlet for her nervous energy.  All day she has been tapping and twitching, shaking and shivering.

Now she strides down the road, counting the calories, braving the pain.

She draws her hood close around her thin face, then thrusts her skeletal hands deep into the pockets of her oversized coat.  Her fists are clenched tight, holding her lie.

The early morning sun has given way to a cold, grey sky.  Snow is coming.  The air is ice-cold, whipping around her frail body.

Head bowed, eyes down, she strides purposefully.

Here.

In one swift move it is done.  Pockets emptied.  Today’s food, nestling silently in an anonymous roadside bin.  She promised she’d eaten.  She lied.

Her mum cries when she sees how fragile her daughter has become.  So painfully thin.  A mind ravaged, a body broken.  There is screaming in her head.  Don’t eat.  Don’t eat.  Don’t eat.

The biting cold burns her skin.  The secret guilt burns her soul.

Back home, to continue her lies.

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6 thoughts on “A purposeful stride

  1. Gah to that awful anorexia swimming around your brain. I’d typed up some words until the “flash fiction” tag sank in; and now I’m slightly relieved — but I suppose that the protagonist of this story is not in the best shape. There’s not a glimmer of hope here. Let me rework what I typed:

    How about a story where, when the protagonist is thinking, “Don’t eat,” she also tries to imagine — tries to cobble together — a voice that says, “Eat. I may not be as loud as anorexia, but I think that you’re too good to let that other voice convince you that it’s got the final say — and that that final say is to waste away. Also, it’s too damn cold out here. Let’s go back in and hang around the toaster — two birds with one stone. Toast AND the warmth from the sides that do the toasting.”. In all seriousness, make it a voice that she respects, the voice of someone who makes her think.. .

    I know the protagonist is trying quite hard in general, but she needs some semblance of a community to help her fight and stay level. When you don’t have the support of someone right beside you (or her), try to make your own.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. To know how hard and hurtful it must be for you to lie to your mum is something I am becoming familiar with (mine is my wife)! But to also know why you do it, and why you have to isn’t easy for me to say but I DO know. I know what it is like to see the fear, the hurt, the worry on loved ones faces but not able to change the outcome right now.

    Try to hold onto something that will give you a lifeline out of this miserable existence (can we really call this a life I wonder?).

    It is good you are able to let your anxiety out here, because people care and understand – you don’t even have to meet those people face to face to care and understand. Just know you have support here, you can do this – you have to stay strong and keep moving forward millimetre by millimetre and one day you will be in a better place. ❤

    Sending you big hugs and some strength x

    Like

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