Why is chosing recovery so hard?
Anorexia has taken everything from me; my job, my flat, my friends, my life…
There is a whole team of people working to help me.
My family are desperate for me to recover.
I can see how much better my life could be.
And yet still I fight against recovery.
Anorexia is my best friend. That friend that my parents would call ‘a bad influence’. The friend that dares me to do something naughty. That giggles with me when I get away with it. The friend that pushes me to try new things, to go to places I would never have even considered. Anorexia is my partner in crime, my soulmate. The one I have private jokes with. The one I tell all my secrets to. The friend that means I am never alone.
Anorexia is my only friend. I just want to be left alone with my anorexia.
Saying goodbye to that friend is tough.
I know it will all come crashing down. Anorexia is not the kind of loyal friend that will hang around when everything goes wrong. Anorexia will lead me into trouble and then run, leaving me to fend for myself.
But saying goodbye to a friend, even one as flawed as anorexia, is never easy.