So, it’s been four months since I left the day unit, and six months since I last had a CBT session. But within two weeks of being referred to the ED service where my parent’s live, I attended my first CBT appointment with them today.
I’m not sure how it’s going to go yet. It was just the usual initial conversation about why I think I developed anorexia, and what do I want to achieve from the sessions.
I gave my usual answer, “I want to be physically well enough to have a job, and mentally well enough to enjoy my life again.”
But I don’t know if I’m going to achieve that through weekly CBT sessions. I wish I had the support of the day unit again.
I’d lost weight as well this week. Not as much as last week, but it is still falling, and the dietitian warned me if I carry on like this I will end up in hospital in January.
Part of me would prefer that. I would feel safer there. Every night I am convinced I am going to die. Being in hospital would make the nights less scary.
But for the time being I am going to worry about Christmas. I need to get through that, and then think about what will happen in the New Year.