I always thought anorexics must be so hungry all the time.
How wrong I was.
I rarely feel hungry.
My stomach doesn’t rumble. I don’t feel empty. I don’t want food.
Instead, the hardest side-effect of starvation is feeling so tired.
The tiredness is crippling.
The afternoon is the worst. I can barely leave the sofa. I just want to curl up and do nothing. The thought of having to stand up is draining. I could stay curled up in my little corner of the sofa, under my blanket, forever.
I marvel at the energy of those around me. How do they get up and go to work? And come home and go out in the evening? It seems superhuman to me. I don’t remember what is like to have that much energy.
My logical brain kicks in.
“Just eat something and you will have the energy to go out and enjoy yourself.”
But that would mean eating something.
And that just feels too much.
Instead I eat my tiny breakfast and my almost non-existant lunch and resign myself to the fact that I won’t have the energy to do anything.
Anorexia is not logical.