Living with anorexia

I don’t know where this is going…

So, it’s been a while.  I started this blog after spending two months as a day patient at an eating disorder unit. I left treatment with the intention of finishing my degree.

It hasn’t worked out like that.

Three months later and I’m no longer at university.  I am writing this sitting on my parents’ sofa, wrapped in a blanket.  I’m freezing cold, tired as hell, and at the lowest weight I have ever been.

Heart palpitations meant I ended up in A&E last week.

Now I’m wating to be referred back to eating disorder services.  My GP thinks I should go somewhere residential.

I just feel so stressed.  I can barely eat anything.  An hour ago I picked up an apple, sat down all ready to eat it, and then put it back.  An apple.  I couldn’t even eat an apple.  Food has no appeal anymore.  I don’t enjoy it.  I don’t want it.

I’m so scared to go to sleep.  Every night I am convinced that tonight will be the night I die.  I’m so scared.  I can’t live like this much longer.

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