So, it’s been a while. I started this blog after spending two months as a day patient at an eating disorder unit. I left treatment with the intention of finishing my degree.
It hasn’t worked out like that.
Three months later and I’m no longer at university. I am writing this sitting on my parents’ sofa, wrapped in a blanket. I’m freezing cold, tired as hell, and at the lowest weight I have ever been.
Heart palpitations meant I ended up in A&E last week.
Now I’m wating to be referred back to eating disorder services. My GP thinks I should go somewhere residential.
I just feel so stressed. I can barely eat anything. An hour ago I picked up an apple, sat down all ready to eat it, and then put it back. An apple. I couldn’t even eat an apple. Food has no appeal anymore. I don’t enjoy it. I don’t want it.
I’m so scared to go to sleep. Every night I am convinced that tonight will be the night I die. I’m so scared. I can’t live like this much longer.